What do I do Next?
by dark and depressed
Summary: Jess' take on a double catastrophe. Contains bits of Jess/Chris. X
1. Chapter 1

I don't know what to do. Or what to say to her. She's just lying  
there. I don't know if she can hear me or not. I hope she can't. But  
partly hope she can. After everything we've been through it can't end  
like this. Surely. I need her. I'm only 16. I'm still a child. I need  
my mother. Now more than ever. I wish I'd told her I loved her this  
morning before we went to school. Instead I told her I hated her. My  
mum is dying and the last words I said to her was I hate you.  
Unbelievable. Unbe'fuckin'lievible!

X

"Jess time to get to school!" I heard her shout but it didn't  
register. I was still focussed on the bit of paper on front of me. A  
sonogram. I think that's what they're called. I don't remember. I  
didn't listen when she was talking to me. Telling me what to do next.  
I don't remember. I can't think. I can't speak. I can't stop crying.  
And I think I'm going to puke...

X

"Jess! I need to talk to you." I turned sharply. The sudden movement  
making my head spin and my stomach jump. "You told me you were getting  
a lift to school?" how did mum find out I had to walk? "Mr. Mead told  
me you were late to his class and missed form class." I sighed.  
"What's got into you lately? I don't know what to do with you. You  
seem to be spiralling more and more out of control each day. I really  
don't know what to do with you. Help me help you jess!" and that's  
when I walked away.

X

"Jess! Stop ignoring me. We need to talk!" I started to walk faster.  
And faster and faster. Soon I was running to the girl's bathroom. Ready  
to throw up again. I heard my mum call my name behind me but she  
didn't dare follow me into the bathroom. She knew better than that.  
She knew me. And she knew how stubborn I was. We wouldn't talk unless  
I wanted us to talk. And right now. The last thing I wanted to do was  
talk.

X

"Jess-" this time I caught her before she could carry on.

"Leave me the hell alone. Okay? You're doing my head in! You're like a  
bloody broken record, jess, jess, jess. I am sick of it. I hate how  
you're treating me. Just leave me be and go and ruin someone else's  
life." I stormed off.

"jess don't you dare speak to me like that!"

"I'll speak to you like that if I want to. Fucking get lost mum! I  
hate you!" I ran. But this time I never stopped. I ran out of the  
school gates. I ran into Rochdale city centre and when I got on a  
train headed to London. I eventually stopped running. Well not really.

X

My Phone rang. I ignored it. Again. Reject button. Again. I turned it  
off. I never even looked at the caller ID. I feel stupid now. If I'd  
have answered the phone calls none of this would have happened. Well  
some of it would have but most of it wouldn't. I felt empty as I sat  
in the rundown coffee shop in Manchester. I chickened out of going to  
London. Dads there. And I don't want to be anywhere near him. Maybe I  
should just go back to Rochdale. But then again. There's nothing there  
for me either. Well not really. Mums there but she doesn't care. I  
suppose I would miss harry a bit. But he's not the one I'd miss the  
most. The one I miss the most. Him. He left me. He told me he loved me  
now he left me. Where is he now? I don't know. All I know is Chris  
mead has left Waterloo Road. And left me. And I know which one is  
missing him the most.


	2. Chapter 2

**Heres the next chap, hope you are enjoying it**** got my blackberry back so hopefully start writing more frequently and I won't have to do it on my iPod**** XX**

The vending machines in hospitals are rip offs! Why the hell should I  
pay eighty five pence for a small chocolate bar? So many to choose  
from too! What do I want? Big decisions. Should lunch today be a  
galaxy chocolate bar or dairy milk? How could I bring up a child if  
I can't even choose what fucking chocolate bar to eat? Galaxy. It's my  
final choice. Definitely galaxy. E5. I pushed the E button slowly, just  
invade I changed my mind at the last minute-

"Jess," my heart melted. One word. It's him? Isn't it? He's actually  
here. The next thing I felt was his strong arms enveloping me. My  
finger remained hovering above the 5 button. Chocolate bar forgotten,  
I relaxed in his arms. I smelt him too. The smell of his after shave.  
I leant back into his embrace. Tears starting to spill from my eyes.  
"Don't worry Jess, I'm here now. We can talk later. Now let's go check  
on your mum," I nodded. Slightly apprehensive about Chris' intentions.  
If he was only here to see mum. Well that would just break me more.

We walked into the hospital room. Chris slipped his hand into mine. I  
gripped on for dear life. I had a hold on him. And I wasn't planning  
on letting him go anytime soon.

X

We sat in the cafe, I slowly drank my hot chocolate. I refused to eat;  
Chris wouldn't listen so he bought me a sandwich anyway. The  
uncomfortable silence was becoming exactly that. Uncomfortable.

"What happened Jess? I need to know." I began to cry. Slowly. I began  
to open my mouth.

"There was a fire. At school. Pretty bad. I think. I wasn't there. I  
had fought with mum. She wouldn't leave me alone. So I left school.  
Without telling anyone. She tried calling me. I turned my phone off.  
She thought I was in trouble. She went to save me. Then she collapsed.  
Now she's nearly dead. Because of me. Harry's with dad in London. Mums  
comatose. And I'm pregnant." I stood up and left. Leaving Chris  
sitting shocked.

X (Chris)

Jess walked away. She walked away. I had so many more questions. The  
fire? Was the school damaged badly? Karen? Had they been fighting a  
lot? Was Karen okay? And finally. The most important question. Was she  
sure she was pregnant? She was only sixteen. She needed to have a  
life. Then it hit me. My chest suddenly felt tight, and my heart was  
beating up in my throat. Oh no. This was bad. Really bad.

X

"Jess?" A smile came to my lips.

"Jonah?" I turned around to see my best friend standing with my bag  
and my favourite sandwich in his hands.

"I thought you might need a change of clothes and I knew you probably  
wouldn't eat," he handed me the sandwich and we began to walk to mums  
room.

She was still in the same position I had seen her in when I arrived at  
the hospital. I couldn't believe that had only been yesterday. It felt  
like I'd been here for weeks. "You wana talk?" Jonah said quietly.

"I don't know. I just wish I'd answered her call. It's my entire fault.  
My mum's nearly dead. Oh my god." finally saying it out loud made me  
break down. Jonah put his arms around me and held me while I sobbed.  
Oh mummy, please get better. I need you.

X

"I don't get it Jess. You never said. You knew the day I resigned. You  
knew and you never told me. I took a job in Newcastle. That's hundreds  
of  
Miles away. You would have never seen me again. You thought it would  
be better to just not tell me. Then when you had the baby, wait a  
minute are you even keeping the baby?" Tears were cascading down my  
puffy red cheeks. Chris just wouldn't stop yelling.

"You want the truth? I don't fricken know! I only found out for sure a  
few days ago. It's kind of turned my world upside down too! I don't  
know what I'm going to do next. I don't even know where my sandwich I  
had in my hand a few minutes ago is, let alone whether I'm keeping my  
baby." aaaargh! I need to scream. And find my sandwich.

"Jess I don't think you understand, you can't just make decisions for  
yourself now. You have other people to think about. Your baby, for  
example. Whether you're keeping it or not, you need to take care of  
yourself and be sure not to hurt it. Your mum as well! After she comes  
out of hospital she is going to need round-"

"IF!" I screamed, nurses and doctors looked round to see the  
commotion. "You said after she gets out of hospital. The word is IF  
she gets out of hospital. Leave me and my family alone you arsehole!"  
a young blonde doctor slipped her arm round my shoulders.

"let's go for a little walk."


End file.
